\( Thoughtfulness = Empathy + Consideration + Kindness \)

Being thoughtful takes time and deliberate work to perform consistently. Thoughtfulness typically plays a role when two people are interacting, but can sometimes apply to multiple people situations as well (for example, when trying to mediate in a conflict).

Identifying thoughtful friends or colleagues is not hard, as we just need to recall discussing our problems, frustrations, desires, and hopes and with thoughtful people, as they not only listen patiently to our issues, but also provide helpful suggestions making us see and realize what we might be missing.

A thoughtful person follows the platinum rule - “Treat others like how they would like to be treated”.

At work, we love working for thoughtful bosses as when they ask us tasks to perform, they have already taken into account our unique situation, our strengths, and how the task relates to our goals and would stretch us.

On the other hand, a person who feels compelled to remind about their “thoughtfulness” is probably:

  • treating others like how they themselves would like to be treated, and
  • feeling resentful that they are not in the same situation as the one they are complaining to

A tip for practicing thoughtfulness is to use second order thinking, where it is not only important to say or do the thing that is on top of your mind, but also ask the question: “and then what?”. This helps in tempering your language, thought or action to be more receptive for the other person. In other words, understand consequences of your comment, suggestion, ask, or action on an intended recipient, and adjust in advance so that the recipient welcomes the feedback or task.

Being thoughtful in today’s distracted and connected world shows off to the other person how you genuinely care for their well being. It also means an investment of time, thought and actions. Like investments in finance, this investment pays off dividends in the sense of increased trust and influence.

Over time, thoughtfulness can become habitual, and a good indication is when your advice is actively solicited by your friends, peers, and colleagues as they trust your thoughts and suggestions.